What Not to Do When Someone You Love Is Psychotic

There have been a couple of disturbing news reports lately about terrible crimes committed by people in psychotic states, including the actor Michael Brea’s savage murder of his mother and a Seattle killing that took place in front of school children.

Although it’s been proven that people with mental illness are more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators of it, these reports underscore the fact that untreated psychosis can lead to tragedy.

It’s imperative, then, that you do everything you can to get your loved one the help he or she needs.

When John became psychotic due to a manic episode that escalated into psychosis, I learned a few hard lessons about what not to do when you’re trying to help a loved one beat this frightening illness.

The Toll Untreated Mental Illness Takes in “Unlisted”

At my monthly NAMI meeting the other night, we watched the documentary film UNLISTED: A STORY OF SCHIZOPHRENIA. The title is inspired by the main character’s desire to reestablish a relationship with her schizophrenic father after years of avoiding him. She literally became unlisted in the phone book so he couldn’t contact her.

At one point, Delaney’s father poignantly tells her, “I didn’t go to your high school graduation, because you didn’t invite me. I didn’t go to your college graduation, because you didn’t invite me. I didn’t go to your med school graduation, because you didn’t invite me. I didn’t go to your wedding, because you didn’t invite me.”

Murmurs of sadness rippled through the audience when he said it. The man onscreen is sweet and funny, a far cry from the young, unmedicated father who’d climbed telephone poles, gotten his pregnant wife evicted from five apartments in a row, lived on the streets, and constantly disappointed his young daughter.

Delaney’s mother, in fact, is so scarred from her short-lived marriage to this man that she refuses, close to 40 years later, to speak of him or even listen to her daughter say his name. When declining to participate in the documentary, she explains, “I don’t ever want to be reminded of the nightmare of my past.”

It’s a powerful reminder that mental illness, like addiction, is a family disease.

Staying Calm During a Psychiatric Crisis

People often reflect each others’ moods, which is why it’s important to stay calm during a loved one’s psychiatric crisis.

My husband’s psychiatric crisis happened in two parts. There was the initial breakdown and one-week hospitalization, after which he came home for about two weeks. During those two weeks, he started seeing a psychiatrist who—for whatever reason—didn’t believe he’d been psychotic. She told him that he was on the wrong medications, and that she was going to take him off Risperdal and put him onto an antidepressant called Pristiq. A couple of days into this transition, his psychosis took root again.

But the doctor didn’t believe me when I told her what was going on. As John got more and more manic and psychotic, I got more and more panicked. He was calling his co-workers and frightening them with talk of his delusions. I was terrified that he was going to get himself fired, that he was going to ruin his life.

Desperate, I convinced him to call the psychiatrist. At first, she told him that he should go back on the meds the hospital had prescribed, but when he expressed some reservations with this course of action, she told him that she “wasn’t that concerned” about his behavior and explained that he had the right to continue with the Pristiq.

I was horrified, and I let John know it.

Which was a mistake. A big, big mistake.